“You have the right to remain silent…” The cop shows have taught us that the accused in the interview room has the option to keep schtum while being grilled by the fuzz. This prerogative is not something we usually associated with a head of state looking to renew his contract. But this is Ireland, and this is Bertie Ahern. After catching the establishment on the back foot with an early morning visit to Áras an Uachtaráin to ask President McAleese to dissolve the 29th Dáil, Ahern proceeded to baffle assembled hacks by reading a prepared text but refusing to take questions afterwards. Here we had the bizarre spectacle of a campaign being launched with the awkward reticence of a resignation scandal.

But this was only the beginning of bizarre. The Irish Times today broke a story on Bertie’s finances that makes last year’s “Paddy the Plasterer” incident seem like the model of transparency:

“Businessman Michael Wall gave £30,000stg in cash to the Taoiseach’s then partner Celia Larkin in December 1994, the Mahon tribunal has been told. The money was placed by Ms Larkin in an account in her name and was used to fund work on a house in Drumcondra owned at the time by Mr Wall and being rented by Bertie Ahern, the tribunal has been informed. Mr Ahern later purchased the house in 1997.”

If this wasn’t GUBUesque enough, the report goes on to say:

“The tribunal has also been told Mr Wall made a will in 1996 in which he left the Drumcondra house to Mr Ahern in the event of his, Mr Wall’s, death. Mr Ahern has told the tribunal he knew nothing of this at the time.”

What the…? A landlord leaving his house to a tenant, who knows nothing about such extraordinary munificence? The only thing harder to believe is that the wannabe coalition of Fine Gael/Labour are, according to one pundit I heard on Matt Cooper’s show, are reluctant to pursue this fantastical tale, for fear the electorate might start feeling sorry for the Taoiseach–who can look as forlorn as Droopy Dog when he’s caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

And the curtain has just gone up on this entertainment…

PS. The only prediction I can make with any degree of certainty about the outcome of May 24 is that, whatever happens, renegade TD John Deasy will not have a seat in cabinet in June.