Unilever’s campaign for real profits continues. A full page advertisement appears in the women’s supplement to Gazeta Wyborcza. It includes a picture of the masterminds of this operation. In case the irony is not abundantly clear, I’ll put “masterminds” in inverted commas. These are in fact the Polish drones, acting on instructions from Higher Up, in Western Europe, or possibly the States, wherever it is those clever people from Unilever think up their schemes. Six women are pictured. They are, from left to right, the “face” (but don’t worry, the pic includes her body too) of the campaign, the product’s PR woman, the campaign’s “ambassador,” two marketing bods, and Katarzyna Figura, a Polish actress. The point of this campaign is to stress that fat, ugly and old people can also contribute to Unilever’s shareholders’ dividends by buying chemical potions and slathering them on their sagging, flabby and inferior skin. And it’s true, the ambassador is quite rotund. But the rest of the plain ordinary, not particularly beautiful folk? In a radical departure from type the two marketing women are young blondes with – I’m just describing what I see – large busts. The PR woman might, at a stretch, if you were particularly mean, be described as merely “okay.” The “face” of the campaign is a stunner (in the spirit of accepting herself for what she is, she has changed her hair colour since her picture was put up on the campaign’s homepage). And Kasia Figura? This is Kasia Figura. Hideous, isn’t she?

Not one of the pictured women could by any violent gymnastics of the imagination be described as “old” or “ugly.” Unlike you, you tubby old boot.