Examine, if you will, Meeting Paris Hilton from Cansei de Ser Sexy (CSS). Do you remember those cheap keyboards with pre-programmed drum beats that sounded as convincing as crisp wrappers bursting? Well, on a musical level that’s where we’re at. Lyrically we’re offered this snippet of post-modern cool:

“I went to the beach

The bitch was so hot

She came to me and said

“do you like the beach, bitch?”

I said “back!

I wanna take you home, bitch

I wanna treat you good, bitch

What do you think of it, bitch?”

The bitch said yeah”

So, with the aid of a crap tune, our brave troubadours grab the limelight for poking fun at someone famous for being crap. Ironies abound.

‘But they’re Brazilian!’ you shout. ‘But their name, Cansei de Ser Sexy, means tired of being sexy in Portuguese!’ you scream, irritated. As if that were good enough.

Should you be forced to listen to the full album – for example by fashion conscious friends, who just know that this is the coolest thing to happen, like ever – you might waver every now and then. Alcohol bops along, and could almost get your groove on, and art bitch could almost grab you were it not so transparent, but these are fleeting moments.

They will be cult favourites, of this there’s no doubt. The boring bloke in the bar, who works in advertising, will try to convince you that this is so much better than all that samba shit that comes out of Brazil, for example. Tosser.

Read the titles, namedrop the group if you must, but save yourself time, energy, and cash. This is rubbish.