If we are to believe today’s super serious and responsible Dziennik the European Union is soon to forbid drinking at night. That’s what the headline on page one says anyway but if you read on it turns out that you will be allowed to drink at night. It’s just they plan to make it harder to buy, advertise and distribute alcohol. That would make for a dull headline, though, so “Unia nie pozwoli pi? noc?” it was. The merriment continues on page 12, with a photograph of some yoof at a rock concert. In the foreground, leaning over a barrier, are six young people holding seven plastic glasses full of beer. From what I remember of open air rock festivals, the chances of all six of your mates having a full glass of beer at the same time are minimal. It’s not like buying a round of drinks in a pub. From what I remember, you understand. The caption underneath the picture boldly draws the obvious conclusion from the alcoholic profusion: “Young people at last year’s rock festival in Jarocin were unable to listen to the music without alcohol.” Quick, quick: someone inform an aural doctor.

If Dziennik wants to be taken seriously as a rival to Gazeta Wyborcza they’ll really have to do something about their self-righteous tabloidian headlines. “Immigrants flood Malta,” says one. The subhead reads “Residents of the Mediterranean Island do not want arrivals from Africa as neighbours and are appealing for help to the EU.” I don’t know how racist Maltans are but there’s a good chance that what many of them object to is not African neighbours per se but huge numbers of immigrants. Scant evidence (the presence of racist graffiti does not prove all Maltans are racists) is presented in the article that this is not the case.

Another scare headline on page 18: “We are Paying for the National Debt.” Well, who else would pay for it? Page 23: “E-book Market Revives.” In fact, this article is about a new product launched by an electronics company. No evidence is presented to show that people are, in fact, reviving their interest in reading print off a small screen for hours at a time. Lastly on page 24, there is an unintentionally (?) ironic headline: “Has Politics Bored Poles?” It is followed by four full pages of politics.