Here’s a report from the Irish national broadcaster’s news site which may be beyond parody but by jingo that isn’t going to stop me. For those unfamiliar with the subject, two pieces of background information: (1) the Irish economy has hit a brick wall (2) “Tánaiste” is the Irish name for the post of deputy prime minister.

Govt made very good decisions – Tánaiste

(The government is great, says government)

Saturday, 28 March 2009 15:16

Tánaiste Mary Coughlan has said the Government made very good decisions about how to invest our money in recent years.

(Token Fianna Fail woman Mary Coughlan has said she gambled our money wisely in recent years.)

Minister Coughlan defended how the Government handled the economy during an interview with Marian Finucance on RTÉ radio.

(Coughlan was being grilled by Smoky Finucane on the radio when she complimented herself.)

She admitted that there was an over reliance on the construction industry and said the country took its eye off the ball and was over exuberant.

(She admitted being in the pocket of a handful of building barons and blamed everybody else for her carelessness and champagne-tent insouciance)

However she said we did not blow the boom because we paid off our debt, invested in pensions and provided new services.

(However, not all of our short term winnings were wasted: Bobo Justus got his dues without having to work us over with the oranges, the “legitimate” financial industry also got paid and a few people got meals on wheels or new blackboards or what-have-you.)

The Minister for Enterprise Trade and Employment also said competitiveness is hugely important and she is looking at ways we can reduce costs and attract more investment here.

(Coughlan, who is also the minister for outsourcing and laying off people, said that for Irish business to succeed, Irish workers must earn less, and that she is looking at ways of attracting back the mercurial investment capital that has stood us in such good stead in these hard times.)

However she said we are not a low cost economy and that is not necessarily where the Irish people want to be.

(However, she reiterated that workers earn too much and that is not necessarily where capital wants to be.)